Shore houses, Hamptons shares, street fairs, and sunning in Central Park. Summer in the city is known for many things, but one of my favorites for this sizzling season is the singles scene. So as we bar hop and barbeque our way to September, it’s just as important for us single ladies to know what kind of wolf packs we’re dealing with out there as it is to reapply our SPF 50 every two hours. Drum roll please! Here’s the rundown (a.k.a warning) on which single men of the city to be on the lookout for drinking in bars near you this summer.
The Sugar Fiend
Typically Sugar Fiends can be found populating bars with extensive scotch menus and a wine list that Thomas Jefferson would envy from his grave. These men are either eternal bachelors or divorcees looking for un-Botoxed, childless women that will serve as the “sugar” to their “daddy” role. If you’re looking for a fatherly figure that will sweep you off your feet to East Hampton for a long weekend, given that he is able-bodied enough to still operate a mobile device, give this man your number. But if a few gray hairs and alimony freak you out, focus your sugar on a guy that won’t potentially have a daughter your age.
The Pick-up Artist
Opening lines such as, “Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it’s just a sparkle,” or “I was blinded by your beauty so I’m going to need your name and number for insurance reasons,” are blatant warning signs that you’re on the verge of being had by a Pick-up Artist. Their lines sometimes make us laugh, are usually flattering, and can often lead to a free drink or a future date if you’re so inclined to hear the punch line. The Pick-up Artist gets a lot of hate, but his success rates are admittedly much higher than that of a guy who is too shy to do more than smile across the bar. If their line wasn’t offensive and delivered with a cute smile, give a Pick-up Artist some props for his somewhat skewed attempt at gallantry and take him up on his drink offer.
So maybe you had a too few many margaritas, your beer goggles fell off, and in your blinded haze of tequila, salt, and lime you gave a less-than-appealing man your digits. Somehow, ignoring his phone calls and giving and one-word answers to his texts are taken as a sign you’re interested in happy hour next week. The bad news? You’ve got yourself a Gnat. The buzzing won’t stop even with the endless swatting and call ducking you’re doing. The best route here? The truth. Let him know you’re not interested and you apologize for giving the wrong impression. Hey, Cuervo makes us all do crazy things at least one night a summer!
The Danny Zuko
Summer lovin’ can have you a blast with this boy of summer! He’s cute, he’s witty, he loves Golden Retrievers, and looks sexy in swim trunks. You fantasize of walking hand-in-hand through Central Park next fall as the leaves turn and your relationship deepens. But beware if there’s no talk of tailgates for Giants games or any type of future for that matter—you’ve just been Sandy-ed and we can only hope that you’re not wearing black Spandex from head to toe. If you find yourself falling hard for your Danny Zuko, lay it all on the line before you’re singing on the bleachers by yourself come October.
Whatever happens this summer, roll with it, ladies. It wouldn’t be a single summer in the city without a few Danny Zuko’s and Pick-up artists trying to buy us drinks, after all!